Loss changes you.
Whether for good or for bad, it changes you.
Last week our dear friends lost their sister in a freak accident. Leaving behind a husband and two little ones seems to make the whole situation that much worse. How do you even wrap your mind around it?
This isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Countless people have been touched by the events of last week. Prayers sent out and support like crazy, but none of that changes the fact that she is gone. And nothing eases the pain that her family and friends feel. Comments like, “It was just her time to go” or “God must have wanted her more” do nothing to help ease the pain and are downright insensitive if you ask me. Nothing but time and the love of God and others will heal their wounds. They have a long road ahead of them.
And while I didn’t know her well, we were Facebook friends and I’ve only had a handful of conversations with her, I feel a heaviness. The day of the accident my friend texted me, asking me to pray that Lauren would make it. When we went to bed that night all I wanted to do was hug Tony and tell him how much I love him. As I did, tears ran down my face and onto his. My heart was breaking for my friends, imagining the unimaginable pain they must be feeling. And my heart wanted to cling to Tony, thinking what it would be like if something should ever happen to him. The pit in my stomach grew.
This is where loss changes you. Even if the loss isn’t necessarily yours, there’s a sobering that happens. It stops us in our tracks. It makes us see what’s really important. Loss reminds us to live our lives more fully and to be grateful for the people we love. Suddenly, the things that made me grumpy and irritated disappear. The dirty clothes on the floor and the million things I think I ned to do get snapped back into perspective. I am reminded of the gift that my husband is to me. The dumb things that I get frustrated by, like the peanut butter covered knife in the sink or leaving the shower curtain open, are revealed for what they are: trivial.
I want to live my life with this perspective. I want to be constantly aware of what’s really important. Grateful for my wonderful husband. Not irritated my the little things. But the truth is, in a couple of days I will probably forget and get annoyed by something silly. Who am I kidding, it will probably be later today. But I will try to hold onto this lesson for a while. When I feel my heart start to callous over and get angry that things aren’t going my way, I pray that I will be reminded again. Reminded to be grateful. To hug my husband and tell him how much I love him. To forget about the things I don’t have and thank God for what He has given me. To turn off the computer or phone, lay aside the task at hand and give my full attention to those I love.
What are you grateful for today?